Fleur de Lys flashback
Christian vs secular marriage

To celebrate the 150^th anniversary of Trinity College, each month this year we are going to dive into the time machine and share stories and deliberations of our past students, as recorded in our annual student publication, the Fleur de Lys.

This piece was penned in the 1963 edition of the student-run magazine the Fleur de Lys (yes, 60 years ago, reflecting views not necessarily held today) and seemed to result in some detailed discussion and strong conclusions.

Every year hordes of couples, who, as the Chaplain put it, had never so much as blown their nose in the Name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit mince up the aisles of churches and use the Name of God to add colour to their marriage vows. This situation formed the basis and perhaps the original inspiration for a course of lectures which produced results which were rather unexpected by most people in the College.

On eight Tuesday evenings in Second Term, the Chapel, converted to a lecture hall, bulged at its Horsfall-brick seams with noble men and nubile women and resounded to the jazz hymn curtain-raisers which preceded each address on the subject of Christian Marriage.

The enthusiasm of the response was the first unexpected result, and the second was the fact that it was still possible to say things about marriage which were not either trite, naïve or wrong.

The Chaplain wished to make it quite clear at the outset that Christian marriage and secular marriage were two quite distinct states, equally worthy and ‘respectable’, and that the latter was the correct choice for those who were either not committed Christians, or who had doubts about the fate of their marriage. 

To enter into Christian marriage without having fulfilled all the requirements was to perform a gross and public act of hypocrisy.

As Mr S.P. Charles, Barrister-at-Law, pointed out in his two addresses, secular marriage has built into it the possibility of divorce. Christian marriage does not. He explained very lucidly the grounds and mechanism of divorce and annulment under the new Act and left his audience with the strong impression that as far as legal rights go, marriage is strictly for women.

On the question of definitions, the Assistant Chaplain showed that the marriage service in the prayer book contained all the necessary elements of a definition of Christian marriage, the aims of which he summed up as ‘kids, continence and comfort’.

In a later address, the Chaplain developed the theme of marriage seen in the relationship between Christ and the Church. The man promises to worship the woman with his body and to endow her with all his worldly goods, as Christ worships His Bride, the Church, and gives Himself for Her with no reservations.

In response to this initiative, the woman has merely to promise to obey, as the Church promises to obey Her Lord. The widespread practice of omitting this vow strips the contract of Christian marriage of the essence of its meaning.

Volunteers were called from the floor of the house to define secular marriage and Mr R.W. Connell, Psychologist, offered. He said the secular marriage could be seen as a developmental task associated with early adulthood; one which must be fulfilled in order to win the approval of society. The standards of marriage are quite arbitrary, and will change as the community changes. This is evidenced by the considerable differences between the marriage practices of different countries and races.

To back him up, the Chaplain inveigled the Registrar of Marriages for the State of Victoria, Mr Longford, into coming up to speak. Labouring under the handicap of being a Christian himself, he proclaimed in a sonorous voice that people ‘from all walks of life’ came to his office to be married according to the civil rights. There was often a waiting list three weeks long.

However, he admitted that the civil ceremony could not touch a Church marriage in the matters of aural and visual beauty, though he would, if asked, add small flourishes to the ceremony to brighten things up a bit. There was, to be sure, a regulation preventing the throwing of confetti in a registry office.

The Head of the Diocesan Chaplaincy Department, the Revd W. Graham, spoke on the vexed issue of the Church and re-marriage. Legally, the situation was very clear – it could not be done. Unfortunately, this led, in individual cases, to some tragic consequences, and all the Church can do is stick to its principles, but re-affirm at the same time that She wants in Her fold all people no matter how unhappy their marital experiences may have been. To round off the series, the Anglican Chaplain to Students, the Revd E.K. Robins, gave some useful tips on Christian courtship.

In summary, the over-riding point that came out of this series is that secular marriage must be instated as the norm, and the respectable norm, in our predominantly secular society. There is no virtue at all in the Church compromising her position by allowing herself to be used as convenience to those who want nothing more from her than the use of a gothic doorway to be photographed against.